yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
