just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
