My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
