from now on my penis is your penis
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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