i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
