WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
