I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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