They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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