haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
