Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
