i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
