just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
