Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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