In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
