why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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