end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
