Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize