wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
