Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
