I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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