I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
