Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
