dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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