After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
