Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
