his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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