...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
