it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
