I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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