hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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