i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
