Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
