I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
