WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
