Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
