I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
