I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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