he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
