There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
