Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She bit a glass in half.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
