THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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