Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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