??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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