OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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