his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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