and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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