Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
