The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
