Betty ford says i'm here all night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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