I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize
