We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Houston, we have a squirter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
