i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
