she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize