You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
