I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
