I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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