I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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