Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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