How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
