According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So many bounce houses so little time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
