No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
