Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
