Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Are my feet made of real feet?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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