so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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