Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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