This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
