i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
