i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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