Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
