I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You're like the curious george of whores
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
