why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
