I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
