Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
