ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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