I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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