Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
