Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
