so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize