You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
