That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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