So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize