i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
