Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish I only lived at night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize