i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
