im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
