I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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