i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sext me about skeletons
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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