Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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