We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
