It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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