i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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