Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
