my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
