i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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