So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
