This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My balls are so social today.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
