Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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