Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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