This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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