And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
