So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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