If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize