I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
