she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize