***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i love accidental penises.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
