Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
