whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
