I should be sponsored by Trojan
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
