I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
smell my finger.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
