If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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