I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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