what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
