I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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