No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
