You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
