i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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