D3 body, D1 cock
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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