So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
