please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
