I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
