Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize