trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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