Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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