I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
