No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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