just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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