I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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