i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
